A Hidden Opportunity

My grace is sufficient for you. My power takes center stage in the midst of your weakness

Bruce and I were married October 12, 2002. A year later, we decided it time to start our family. Another 6 months went by and still nothing. Then our anniversary came and we decided we needed to see a doctor.  After many tests and painful procedures I was diagnosed with infertility. This was very devastating news. I tried to keep hope alive ~ believe for the impossible. After awhile I became very depressed. People not knowing better would make comments that only made me feel worse. I felt incomplete, worthless and shamed. I had disappointed my husband ... or so I thought. I asked him one day, he replied "I would rather be married to you than have children."
We talked about adoption. People would comment "Adopt, then you will get pregnant." I know that happens and that is great if it does, but I had to consider how my child would feel hearing that comment. The word USED comes to mind. I decided that I would not view adoption as a cure to infertility.
Bruce and I began the adoption journey. We took the adoption classes. We dealt with more grieving issues. I confronted my desire to be a mom. The teacher agreed that this child is not a means to biological children. This child needs to belong just as I need to be a mom.
I began to see my motives change. I was awakened to a truth about my infertility. It is a blessing- an opportunity. Would I have ever noticed the need for adoption? Often other people will comment to us saying "Yeah my friends had to adopt. They could not have any children either." They have missed it. Adoption is so much more than children to be picked only when you can not have biological children. These children are waiting - vulnerably waiting to have their needs met. They are desperate for a mom, a dad, and a place to belong, to call their own.
Adoption is not a means to an end. It is the only the beginning. It is a journey to give your time, energy, love and a home to someone who has faced hardships early in life. They are always living in a temporary home, always aching to belong. They are not always cute cuddly babies. They are children who have behavioral issues. They have broken hearts. They are hungry to be loved and cared for.
My infertility is not a depressing hole in my heart. It is a purposely designed space for a child who needs a mom. I don't HAVE to adopt because of my infertility - I GET to adopt. I get to be the answer to a child's prayer.