A Hidden Opportunity

My grace is sufficient for you. My power takes center stage in the midst of your weakness

Bruce and I were married October 12, 2002. A year later, we decided it time to start our family. Another 6 months went by and still nothing. Then our anniversary came and we decided we needed to see a doctor.  After many tests and painful procedures I was diagnosed with infertility. This was very devastating news. I tried to keep hope alive ~ believe for the impossible. After awhile I became very depressed. People not knowing better would make comments that only made me feel worse. I felt incomplete, worthless and shamed. I had disappointed my husband ... or so I thought. I asked him one day, he replied "I would rather be married to you than have children."
We talked about adoption. People would comment "Adopt, then you will get pregnant." I know that happens and that is great if it does, but I had to consider how my child would feel hearing that comment. The word USED comes to mind. I decided that I would not view adoption as a cure to infertility.
Bruce and I began the adoption journey. We took the adoption classes. We dealt with more grieving issues. I confronted my desire to be a mom. The teacher agreed that this child is not a means to biological children. This child needs to belong just as I need to be a mom.
I began to see my motives change. I was awakened to a truth about my infertility. It is a blessing- an opportunity. Would I have ever noticed the need for adoption? Often other people will comment to us saying "Yeah my friends had to adopt. They could not have any children either." They have missed it. Adoption is so much more than children to be picked only when you can not have biological children. These children are waiting - vulnerably waiting to have their needs met. They are desperate for a mom, a dad, and a place to belong, to call their own.
Adoption is not a means to an end. It is the only the beginning. It is a journey to give your time, energy, love and a home to someone who has faced hardships early in life. They are always living in a temporary home, always aching to belong. They are not always cute cuddly babies. They are children who have behavioral issues. They have broken hearts. They are hungry to be loved and cared for.
My infertility is not a depressing hole in my heart. It is a purposely designed space for a child who needs a mom. I don't HAVE to adopt because of my infertility - I GET to adopt. I get to be the answer to a child's prayer.

Time well spent

The last weekend before a new semester begins~! I am thinking this year may bring me my child. I am hoping...I have waited a long time. I have about 3 semesters left until I graduate with my Associates Degree in Early Childhood..so I have to say it has been time well spent while I have waited and walked.
Do not give up in doing good... don't lose sight of the harvest.

Once again

In 2010 I kept a gratitude journal and noticed a big difference in my heart attitude...decided to do it again in 2012.  I got the idea from a book titled A Thankful Heart by Carole Lewis.
The journal includes one page with these words written:
Write a short statement expressing your thankfulness to God for a simple pleasure. ... Well I would write more of the list but I just realized that might be stealing ... so check out the book it is awesome!!!!!

I love this song

I Believe...

Watching Polar Express and the little boy finds a bell that came from Santa’s sleigh. Santa is standing before him and he realizes for the first time, “I believe.” He whispers these words and Santa hears. Santa says what did you say? The little boy repeats the phrase, “I believe. I believe. I believe this belongs to you.”

As I watch this scene, I am thinking of Jesus. I am picturing myself saying the same thing to Him. I believe. I believe. I believe this belongs to You. I believe all of me belong to You, Jesus. All that I am is here before You.

Ephesians 6

We wrestle not against flesh and blood but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of the dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Because of this put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything to stand STAND.
Stand firm with belt of TRUTH, breastplate of RIGHTEOUSNESS, feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of PEACE, shield of FAITH, helmet of SALVATION, sword of the SPIRIT, and PRAY for all people.
Truth: Nothing can separate me from the love of Christ
Righteousness: Christ's righteousness reaches the skies.
Peace: As far as it depends on you live at peace with one another.
Faith: Without faith it is impossible to please God.
Salvation: Do not be afraid ...stand still and see the salvation of the Lord, which He will accomplish for you today.
Sword of the Spirit: Your Word have I hid in my heart that I might not sin against You.
Prayer: The Holy Spirit will pray through you when you do not know how to pray.

Looking for peace lately...looking for it in the Holidays...friends...routines...not finding it anywhere...I know peace comes from the Lord Jesus but it is too easy to get distracted and look elsewhere. This past week I have made it my focus to get that peace from Christ. Today our message at church was about just that...Christ is our Prince of Peace.
All the people, place, things we look to for peace is all momentary...temporary... not gonna last... but the peace He gives is eternal...not based on what is happening in our life. It is a solid standing, unshakeable. It is an ongoing battle for many of us to find that peace and keep it. Worry wars are all too common.
Luke 2 is the Christmas story...and for Mary and Joseph it was far from a peaceful time. I am sure they were very scared as they made their steps back to Joseph's hometown for the census. They had a Word from God...but it was not a familiar word...it was new...and the path had not been traveled before. Yet she was giving birth to the ONE who is called the Prince of Peace. I can not imagine the path Mary and Joseph traveled.
The meaning of the word peace is contentedness, lack of discord. God says peace will come as we fix our hearts and minds on truth. (Phil.4:8) Christ says He is the way, the TRUTH, and the life. He is truth. Isaiah 26 tells us as we trust in Him we will walk in peace. To me this says I do not have to figure out the details. My task at hand is enough...fixing my mind on Christ...telling myself to lay aside the things that drag me down and focus myself on HIM. Psalm 62 (my verse for this season) ..Let all that I am wait quietly before God...wait in hope. Another verse in Psalm says surely I have weaned and quieted my soul before God...that is peace...that is trusting that God will work out the details. It is a temptation for me to run things through my mind over and over thinking it out... yeilding to God in this says, "I have not time to figure out all the details. I have only time to focus myself on Him who began this good work in me. He will bring it all to completion."